S1 EP10 - Boundaries
Here Carla encourages the use of healthy boundaries - the way Jesus had them -to protect your peace and allow you to focus on your calling.
1. Importance of Boundaries
Carla discusses the necessity of boundaries, sharing a personal experience of enforcing one with her parents.
Emphasizes that even Jesus had boundaries, dispelling the myth that sacrifice means being a doormat.
2. Biblical Basis
Explores biblical instances where Jesus set boundaries, such as rejecting interruptions during his preaching.
Highlights that accepting personal limits and creating boundaries is in alignment with living like Jesus.
3. Setting and Enforcing Boundaries
Shares the personal challenges faced in setting boundaries with family and in-laws.
Stresses the need to communicate boundaries clearly, honestly, and directly.
4. Prioritizing and Saying No
Advocates setting priorities, with family and God-given calling taking precedence.
Encourages learning to say no to preserve energy and focus for the essential aspects of life and calling.
5. Overcoming Fear
Addresses the fear associated with setting boundaries, including fear of rejection and abandonment.
Reminds listeners that the objective is to please God, not people.
Affirming Truth - I am allowed to protect my peace, making me more available to serve where I'm called
Boundaries are essential for personal soul care, focusing on your calling, and protecting the peace God grants. Embrace the freedom and guidance offered by God to set boundaries and live a life aligned with His will.
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TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] Carla: Hey friends, welcome to Affirming Truths. I'm your friend and host, Carla Arges. This show is a safe place to share our struggles, grow in faith, and root our identity in Christ. My hope is that you will leave each episode feeling encouraged in your journey. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode, and it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review.
[00:00:30] Carla: I am so glad you're here. Let's get started.
[00:00:39] Carla: Hey friends, it's Carla here. How are you? I am recording this episode on the heels of having to enforce a boundary. So I thought, hey, let's talk about boundaries. They're uncomfortable, but they're so necessary. [00:01:00] So let's dive into that. Um, I have had Challenges with my parents, as you may know, and I've had to create boundaries in order to protect my piece.
[00:01:16] Carla: And I had to enforce one of them today. And I, that's new for me. I did not always have boundaries. I actually kind of thought that boundaries were wrong. Let me know if this resonates with you that. You're supposed to be nice. You're supposed to keep the peace. You're supposed to be sacrificial. There's so many things in the Christian community that talk about keeping the peace that I can understand why it's hard for so many of us to create boundaries.
[00:01:55] Carla: But here's the truth. We're supposed to live like [00:02:00] Jesus. And guess what? Jesus had boundaries. Yes, he did. And guys, some, some people don't like to accept that truth, but it is true. Jesus had boundaries. In fact, we read in Luke 4, for example, 28 to 30, that he was in the synagogue and people were furious with what he was saying.
[00:02:26] Carla: He was preaching truth. Here's the thing. He never shied away from preaching truth, but what happened? They got up, they drove him out of town and took him to a hill that the town was built on in order to throw him off the cliff. Did he just let them do that? No. By the spirit, he walked through the crowd and went his way.
[00:02:54] Carla: We see other times where he had boundaries, even with his own family. And can I tell [00:03:00] you, oftentimes where we need to create the boundaries in my experiences with our families, he had boundaries with his family. In Matthew 12, 46 to 50, we hear how he's ministering to a multitude of people, and his moms and his brothers come along and they want his attention, and they're like, Oh, Jesus, your mom and your brothers are here.
[00:03:26] Carla: They were interrupting his calling. They were interrupting his calling. Grab hold of that because I'm going to circle back to that soon. And so what did he do? Did he stop operating in his calling to go tend to their needs? Or did he create a boundary? And saying, who is my mother? Who is my brother?
[00:03:52] Carla: Whoever is doing the will of God is my mother and brother. He did not go. They felt entitled to their time [00:04:00] because of his position and he put them in their place in love. In righteousness, but still he was going about the business of the kingdom. And I think sometimes we are so conditioned to be nice and be selfless and don't rock the boat that what ends up happening is that we disrupt the very piece that God wants to give us, that we inhibit.
[00:04:35] Carla: Our calling in order to say yes to everyone in order to please everyone, and that is just not biblical. I know when Terry and I first got married, we had the very hard task or we, Terry had the very hard task. I've had thing to set up a boundary with his parents. [00:05:00] I had to create a boundary with my in-laws early on, and it was hard.
[00:05:07] Carla: It was hard. I think that my mother in law had certain expectations of me that I was just not meeting, and she had certain expectations of Terry that were not aligned with his God given role. As husband and head of our new household, and we had to create a boundary. And in doing so, she didn't talk to us for a while and that was so hard on him.
[00:05:40] Carla: And it was hard on me feeling like I was the reason. Why can I tell you, boundaries are so important? Boundaries is what allows us to have personal soul care. Boundaries are what allow us. [00:06:00] To focus on our calling boundaries or what allow us to keep and protect the peace that God has granted to us. Yes, of course, we shouldn't go out of our way to create strife, but that does not mean that we have to be doormat.
[00:06:21] Carla: And I think too many people in the Christian community have become doormats because they have believed that sacrifice is the ultimate goal. Walking in your calling, walking in your purpose, loving Jesus and loving others the way that he has asked you to love others is your ultimate goal. And when we say yes to everyone, and when we say yes to everything, we're not honoring the very [00:07:00] specific thing God called us to.
[00:07:03] Carla: When we allow people to walk over us and rob us of our peace. We are not being who God called us to be. We're not walking in freedom. And I have found in myself, one of the biggest reasons why I haven't created and maintained boundaries is fear. Fear of being rejected. Fear of being left behind. Fear of being abandoned.
[00:07:32] Carla: Like, oh my goodness, if I say no, are they never going to include me again? Oh my goodness, if, if I don't let this person talk to me, does that mean I'm not reflecting Christ? If I don't allow X, Y, and Z, does that mean A, B, and C? Do you know what I mean? But guys, boundaries are actually biblical. [00:08:00] Jesus had them.
[00:08:01] Carla: Jesus often went away to rest. Jesus only said yes to his calling. People wanted him to go here, there, everywhere. He stayed the course to his calling all the way to the cross. The disciples were constantly saying, Oh no, Jesus, not on my watch. You're not going to die. think in the garden of Gethsemane, Peter was even wielding his sword, cutting off the ear of the soldier.
[00:08:28] Carla: They were like, not on my watch, but God said, this is what I'm called to. I am setting boundaries and going to where I'm called to. And so we have to set boundaries that protect our peace and allow us to operate in our calling. That means. One, accepting your personal limits. We are not limitless. Jesus, while fully God, was still fully human.
[00:08:58] Carla: He slept. He [00:09:00] napped. Even all the times we read about him napping on boats and the disciples losing it. He rested. We have to accept our own personal human limits. We have to say no to inappropriate behavior, just like Jesus said no to his very mother who was calling him aside while he was in the middle of preaching a word to the multitude.
[00:09:26] Carla: He said no to her. We have to say no to inappropriate behavior. If it is robbing us of our peace, if it is... Taking us off course of our calling. We need to say no. We have to have personal prayer time in our prayer time to get wisdom and guidance about our calling to get discernment on what boundaries to enact.
[00:09:51] Carla: Jesus constantly crept away for prayer time with the Father. If we are to live like Jesus with the boundaries [00:10:00] he had, we have to include personal prayer time to get the guidance of the spirit. We have to be honest and direct. We can't expect people to know our boundaries unless we communicate them. And I know it's uncomfortable.
[00:10:18] Carla: I know there's fear behind that. But as you spend your time in personal prayer, As God reveals to you your calling, if God encourages you in your freedom, you will support you in your God given boundaries. And you have to set priorities. Our first and foremost calling, I believe, is our family, our spouse and our kids.
[00:10:47] Carla: They take first priority. Then it's the calling that God gave us, maybe that's in the workplace, maybe that's in ministry, maybe that's in motherhood, wherever, we [00:11:00] have to make that a priority. Everything else is secondary. And here's the thing about boundaries, especially when it comes to saying no, a lot of times, what we're being asked isn't bad.
[00:11:18] Carla: It's not bad. But if we become yes people, we drain our energy, we drain our focus, and we don't leave enough behind to serve in the place that God has us to serve. So the boundaries we set are not just for people externally, the boundaries we set are for us internally too. Learning to say no is about respecting an internal priority.
[00:11:57] Carla: We have to create boundaries [00:12:00] for ourselves, and we have to remember that our objective is to please God, not other people. And this is a huge thing to remember when it comes to placing boundaries. So often we don't place boundaries because we are afraid of the opinions of others. Ask yourself this. Does this please God?
[00:12:28] Carla: Does protecting the peace that he's giving me please God? Yes, it does. Does focusing your energy and your time on where he's called you please God? Yes, it does. Even if you have to say no to other things.
[00:12:53] Carla: Guys, Boundaries are important, and they're so hard, I don't pretend that they're easy, [00:13:00] but you have to accept your personal limits, whether it's your mental health, physical health, spiritual health, you have to accept your limits, and you have to be honest and direct with people, and it's hard, because at first, people are not going to be accustomed to your boundaries, and they're going to butt up against them, Just like when we try to create boundaries for our kids, don't they put up against them?
[00:13:32] Carla: Don't they check to see, is this really a boundary or can I get through? They test us, don't they? Well, people in our life will test us too. But we have to stand firm. That's what I had to do this past week. A boundary of mine was crossed, and that resulted in two weeks of silence.[00:14:00]
[00:14:00] Carla: That's hard. But when someone crosses your boundary, you have to stand firm. That doesn't mean getting into a fight. That doesn't mean cutting them out of your life forever. But it can sound a lot like you're crossing my boundary. I'm going to need some time to recover from that. I'll reach out to you when I'm ready.
[00:14:28] Carla: It can sound like, you're not accepting my boundary for my child, therefore you can't be alone with them for a period of time until you regain trust. It can sound like to yourself, I know I want to be a people pleaser, but Holy Spirit lead me to be a God pleaser instead. So maybe I have to say, No to volunteering in children's ministry [00:15:00] because I'm saying yes to volunteering in women's ministry and I can't do both.
[00:15:08] Carla: I need time to rest just like Jesus did. So my friend, the affirming truth for you today is I am allowed to protect my peace. It makes me more available to serve where I'm called. And I like to use this as a scripture base for this in Romans 15, 13. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him.
[00:15:40] Carla: So that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy spirit. God wants to fill you with joy and peace. But you're responsible to protect it so that you can overflow with hope, [00:16:00] a hope that inspires others by the power of the Holy Spirit.
[00:16:08] Carla: We'll talk again soon. Bye guys.
[00:16:22] Carla: Thanks for joining me today. I hope we're already friends on social media, but if we're not, come find me on Instagram at Carla Arges or at Affirming Truth. Can't wait to see you back here next week. Bye, friends!